Erasing Your Legacy

 Erasing Your Legacy

Gentrification is alive and well in many cities across this country. New seem to have it most rampantly spread like a wild fire. But let's take a microscope and zoom in on a specific area. Now, this may come off a bit "pointed" because I am focusing on a space that has an historic significance to me on two fronts: as a gay black man, I am a minority that is also a minority within a minority (try to keep up). Having brown skin in America is something that sets me apart from the mainstream from birth; following that, the coming out process as a gay man added a whole other level to the cards in my hand.

The question then becomes: Where is my tribe? Historically, in the US, you seek out like minded, like-living people that you identify with. That is how "_____ neighborhood" became a thing (still with me..?). In NYC, that was the West Village. Peppered with all facets and avenues of colorful creatures. After the Stonewall Riots on June 28, 1969, it was a haven, a "Mecca," even for what is now called the LGBTQ+ Community (Got to love those acronyms!)

So what does this have to do with gentrification, you ask? Well, let's start at the beginning.... One of the "lovely" euphemisms for the "gays" that people like(d) to use is "Fairy" because of a perceived "airy, effeminate behavior" BUT, also the innate seemingly magic ability we have to leave things better than we left them. So, as the West Village became one of the first "gayborhoods"(another euphemism) is was like stepping through the looking glass to Wonderland. A swirl of free expression, art, sex, drugs, and all the things mainstream society said was taboo and wrong, but secretly listed after. Boys were girls, girls were boys, rent was cheap, parties never ended, people literally "got their life": starting their journeys to become fashion designer, taste makers, and the visionaries we idolize today. 

An extension of this "Avalon" as it were, was the Christopher Street end of the Chelsea Pier (or just "The Pier" as it was called). Many of the children, (more on this later) looking for their tribe, were not legally old enough to attend the fab parties, so they found their "families" in the streets and made their "home" on the Pier. The Pier previously had a history as a secret place for gay men to meet, Pre-Stonewall, for anonymous liaisons away from prying eyes. This area was also known for prostitution in all its flavors and styles. Having already having this connection to the blossoming community, it shifted from a place of secrets and shadows to a beacon of hope for young people finding themselves and looking for their place in the world.

Now the evolution begins….

Part 2

Circa the Early 1980s... Those affiliated and ballroom culture (ex. Paris is Burning.....Look it up) began to use the Pier as a meeting place and stomping ground to hone their skills in the dance form of Vogue and train to walk "Balls" and build up the names of their "Houses," usually named for fashion designers or concepts they admired. The Pier was alive during the day with boom boxes blasting the latest beat blend with the sounds of voices calling out " yesssss huney!", "ovahness!!", and "werkkkkkk!!!". At night, it became dark and mysterious. A shadowy Wall Street of transactions of flesh and "pharmaceuticals" that some, who the mainstream world could not accept, had to turn to for survival. 

The streets of the West Village after dark was splatter painted with the club kids, the night worker, House Mothers (Leaders of the Ballroom Houses) with their "children" on their way to compete for their "10s" and legendary status…

Sadly, with evolution there are things that get sacrificed. Those same "kids" that came here to get their life, found them (and money). HIV/AIDS was given a name and shot fear through a once fearless community. All the art and beauty that was created by the lost children, that gravitated through this real life "Neverland," was now marketable (and profitable) to the mainstream that once rejected it.

People that at once roamed those streets looking for a home, now found their rent stabilized. Apartments with their partner they met 15 years ago at a party when they were underage are bothered by the next generation come to fill the labyrinth that they once occupied. They want to "clean up" the neighborhood they worked so hard to build so it is a nice place to live, not realizing that they are displacing their own "people;" their "sisters and brothers" who are still finding their way; and those still living "the life". Places that were once safe havens are now Starbucks and Gourmet-whatever shops. The Pier has become an extended park and playground for families and children to safely play, and shuts done at a "community sanctioned" hour for safety. What about the families that called the Pier their home; now scattered to the wind, becoming we-have-become-better-than-that’s.

These same people that now have multimillion dollar condos and co-ops have taken the arena that gave them the strength to become who they are and made it an amusement park for the same "people" that pushed them away. Where will those kids with nothing now learn something about life? Where will that next creative meet that "mother" that they were missing to guide them until they have their destiny in their grasp? And those folks looking down their nose at the streets that they once called home… don't even realize they are erasing their own legacy.

Perfectly Broken

Magic mirror shattered
Jagged shard scattered across the floor
A danger to even the most helpful Samaritan
Must be handled with care
Now a weapon
Hard, sharp, jagged
Still casting beautiful reflects of colors and lights
Many images that once made one picture
Now useless to all but the most skilled and creative
To be repair and renewed or turn into hard to understand abstract art
All other cautiously dispose of to avoid the collateral damage that come from handling

Unwritten Lullaby

I want to write my seed a lullaby
By seed I'm in the child I will never bring into this world out of fear for their life will be.
The dread thats the choices me and those before me have made will make their life a dismal post-apocalyptic land of shoddy politics and death. The terror that because of who they are, the color of their skin, the amount of their paychecks, or who they love what to find the value of their life and be a price tag to be plucked off by any man woman or even a child who is having a bad day. I cringe at the thought that because two gangs can't get along, because the officer of the law gets nervous, because my wife is tired of being beat that is possible my progeny may not live to meet their potential. We as a people black white Spanish Asian everything in between are stuck in a slave mentality. We are slaves to the thoughts and traditions of older people who have not evolved a mentality with the changing times. the borders the background countries in ancient times (pre camera phones) no longer exists so why do we treat ourselves like we're such separate entities from one another you find every reason to divide ourselves from the person sitting next to us so much so that many of us feel like we're surrounded by enemies when we are not around "our own kind" and even then there are some of us those groups within the groups they feel alienated by people that are quick to call us brother or sister as long as we don't live in our truth.
To sum it up here's the scenario: a child is taught from a young age that the police, law enforcement, authority, and the "white man" are out to get him because in olden days black men and women couldn't walk the streets freely it was against the law so they were arrested in beating to show them their place. We perpetuate this mentality generation after generation after generation. The police and law enforcement are trained to keep order and peace sometimes by any means necessary and if they feel threatened there to defend themselves. Will you come by those two forms of conditioning there is a miasma of darkness that is created. The police see something going on that they feel shouldn't be they approached a group an attempt to do their job. Because of what has been ingrained in these people they see the approach as disrespectful and insulting. Inquisitions of the law enforcement are met with aggression because the group cannot comprehend the actions being perpetrated upon them. The aggression is then met with aggression from the law enforcements and the situation escalates. From this resulting escalation words are exchanged there may be some sort of physical altercation and at best someone may end up arrested at worst there are riots in the street because a child is dead. I don't take sides I don't defend people who are wrong. I was not there I don't know both sides of what happened especially since one side was taken to the grave. What I do know is it takes two to tango , and some provocation a card whether valid or not. With that being said we need to change our individual mentalities then we need to work on ours collectively both sides are handling this wrong and I will not take the side of a fool.

Thoughts Under Moonlight

When I took this picture,  I was alone on a beach gazing upon to clearest view on the night sky I had seen in all my life. In the moment my mind raced thinking about life. MY LIFE! Where I have come from, what I have yet to do, how my life measures up to what I want it to be, and where I will end out long term. One of the most present thoughts was: I never thought I would see the age of 30. When I was younger, it was because I thought I would kill myself because of what was going on around me. In my teens,  I thought others would do it for me because I decided to live in my truth without apologies. And once that past and I moved into adulthood, I thought this disease would overpower me. Now almost a month has passed since I hit 3 decades of life, and I now understand that life is going to be hard, painful, sometimes lonely, and not ever thing will go as planned BUT we are the authors of each chapter of our story and must take control of our journey so when we reach the epilogue it will be a testament to future generations that you make your own way in life with help from others but the end result is up to you and only you

NYC Gay Pride Address 2014

As today is the day before all of the Pride Finale event for NYC, I want to do my pride address early. At work the other day I had to "educate" something on a few things because they made some comments that were not very well thought out.

Before you speak on an events validity to the populace, know its history. Regardless of what you feel like it is now, Pride started as a beacon of hope for those who hid out of fear, shame, and oppression. The parade was (and for the most part still is) an act of solidarity between the entire "rainbow spectrum" that is the LGBTQ Community. The parties STARTED as fundraiser to help provide for our community when no one else would. Before you speak and say "Pride is just an overpriced party for people to have an excuse to run around and drink and hook up", REMEMBER was it not for those befor use having PRIDE, we could all be still hiding in fear shame and oppression because no one was willing to stand up for us.

No this is an issue I don't normally address, but given my profession I must make this clear:
This is dedicated to Louie Garay Roze Black Chris Harris Derrick Briggs and all the other legions of nightlife and event professionals that make all these Pride Events around the world happen.
STOP complaining about paying a cover or how much the cover is for PRIDE! Good entertainment,  decor, auxiliary staff, and security are not cheap. Given that we have come so far many people don't go to PRIDE to be proud, they go for the fun, frolicking, and parties. No judgements, but was it not for these people putting I MONTHS of work, putting out tons of MONEY, you would the the first one complaining that "This event is boring" or "That party was boring". So speaking from the business side of thing......The good fun stuff cost money! So please know this before you try to go out and complain to someone who looks fabulous, has had no sleep for the past week, and is trying to give you a great function, because you could always stay home.

This been my annual PRIDE Address:
Everyone be safe and HAPPY PRIDE NYC

A curse left by a father

Hear me now, I lift the curse placed upon me. Blood of the demon in my flesh. Every time I look upon the mirror I see you. I am not the man you made. Many others have augmented, purified, and transmuted tarnished stone you left. Now made into a beautiful gym for all to see. With these words I banish you! I forsake the memories of drunken nights wondering if there was a safe place to hide from your wrath. I banish the memory's not feeling good enough to meet your approval for now I know it is not required. I forsake all that you put upon me the thoughts and morals of a broken man twisted by his own dark thoughts and feelings. I cast you out as my father just Zeus cast Kronos into Tartarus to be bound forever in a prison for his crimes against his children. You are part of what created me but you do not make me into what I am today. You do not get the glory or bragging right over my success. You do not reap the rewards and benefits of all that I have for that is not yours to take because you did not earn it. Others took up the mantle which you by natural design should have it. For in this moment now I purge myself of the dark feeling I see when I look in the mirror and see semblance of you. I cast out the hatred I feel upon my reflection reminded that you are where I came from. I do not write this out of malice but I write this to purify myself and make room for more positive things to manifest in my life for you are part of my past I can finally close the book on because I see now I am not the result of my fathers actions and the correction of his mistake. I am the manifestation of my mother's love my family's nurturing the support of my friends in the drive of my own internal motivation to be better there. With these words I release you of your responsibility to and I wish you nothing but peace and all of your life and when the moment comes when I'm forced to face the inevitable fact that you have left this earth I will be able to do so with a clean and unburdened heart.

I now rest my head upon my pillow and close my eyes as this these words leave my pen these thought pour from my mouth and these feelings are loosed from my heart I will sleep with the Angels knowing that I've made room for better things in my life by removing dark negativity is dwelt for far too long. I will continue to dye my hair, arch my eyebrows, shaved my face, and wear whatever makes me happy because when I look in the mirror from now on I will see me and only me. The man that I have worked hard to bring to this place who's made his stamp on this earth and will go on with his life unbound by the shadows of his past.

Preparation for you Destiny

So many of us find the one at a moment when we (or they) are not prepared for destiny's plan
Often we make excuse out of fear or doubt and are hindered for taking a leap of faith
We allow life and circumstance to pull us away like a riptide, leaving us damaged and jaded
We end up locking away our hearts, as to not have them broken again
It could have been any number of things: Their family (or yours) meddling in your affairs, not being able to handle a condition or illness the other possesses, getting caught up in what a person looks like more that what is in their heart and spirit,  or the most damaging not being honest about your thoughts and feelings thinking is will spare those of the other.
I will honestly say I'm the victim and perpetrator of most of these things so I speak to you sinner to sinner from a place of wisdom and not one of judgment.
Unfortunately, my circumstances are complicated by something that is slightly out of my control. Most of you who will read this do not have the same time finds so for the sake of your heart and the hearts of others did not allow yourself to be confined by what your past dictated use those instances as lessons to apply to your destined to love

Prophecy in a Dream

A visions of haunt my dream. Cloudy images of things to come wake me from what should be peaceful slumber.
Your essence still bound to my spirit,  lingering in the dark corners of my mind, retaining residence in I portion of my heart I can't seem to mend.
I have reached out to you, too here your voice would either comfort  this shadowy prophecy or exorcize the demon held up in my subconscious.
I feel every time you are tormented,  suffer when you struggle.
The curse of being both empathicly bound and unrequitedly in love with someone.
I wish there was so way to comfort you, sadly distance and circumstance hinders any effort put forth.

Find your motivation

Sometimes inspiration comes in the form of a gentle breeze or the burden of a ton of bricks

That subtle nudge toward the wonderful unknown
Walls closing in on you driving you towards the depths of your being to find true strength

The light of the world is often found to be equally as motivating as the adversities we face

When you are "handed" an opportunity, do not take it for granted just because fate put it before you readily
In those times of greatest stress when you look into yourself, look beyond the darkness and don't dwell in its midst for no power can be found there

Delusional Anticipation

In some perfect world
Far off in an alternate reality
We would be married
Kings of our domain

Your smile would me the sun that start my day
While my voice calls you from childlike dreams

All that we are comforts the other and makes them feel secure in the life we created together
All at the same time, we change each other to be the best in all things we do

Beyond the physical, passionate attraction between our bodies.... We are able to seduced and penetrate each other's mind to the point of mental and spiritual climax

But all this dwell in the ressesses of my mind for I fear rejection or worse yet acceptance and the anticipation of what happens next

Channeling

Under the light of these stars
I will hold a séance
I call now the ancients, the ancestors, the fallen, and the lost
Pierce the veil between this world and the one before and the one beyond
Grant me knowledge
So I may see the path to my destiny
Fortify my soul
So I may endure the journey
Bless my heart
For when love comes I want to be open to it

Confession of something unrequited

When you speak I hear my own thoughts
When we touch I feel a completeness
When your scent reaches me it soothes me
When your eyes meet mind I see all tge stars in galaxy at once
When laugh it sound as though angels are playing

I long to have the courage to say what I am starting to feel from you
Sadly, foresight breeds apprehension in me
I fear my fragile crystal of a heart with be shatter by rejection, infidelity, miscommunication, or even fear
I worry because we all have our skeletons in our closets and demons to face
But the one I have can be passed and lasts a lifetime and I wish to pass that fate to no one
I will not say those cursed word because I learned my lesson about giving that to freely
So with that being said I will bide my time quietly

Evolutionary Thoughts

I dream of you kissing me
But you will not because of what I am
The complications of falling in love and growing feelings
Further compounded by societies boundaries and restrictions

Love is love
But in this world
To be accepted it must fit nicely in a box
Anything out of that is not real... to the masses

Interest is hidden behind drunken night so they don't count
Attraction marred by discretion because it is no one else business
Being who you are inside is taboo and makes you a target for hate
Expections of family and peers keep us from true freedom

At some point the chain must be undone
Abolish the title and labels and just let people be
I will be great to have one less -phobia or -ism for hate mongers to subscribe to
It may clear a path to peace in this world

Love is love
But in this world
For this to change we must change
Time passes we must evolve and progress

Be careful what you wish for

Why search for a cobra, if you are offended by its fang
Why climb the bell tower, if you will curse the bells toll
Why stoke flames, if you can't take the heat
Why hide in shadows, if light is what you seek

Don't not step in the ring, if you are unwilling to fight
Don't draw another's blood, if you can't handle the sight
Don't summon a fury, if you wish a person to live
Don't offer the world, when it is not yours to give

I say these words as a warning
Which is often forgotten in time
Never desire the the mundane and try to force it out of the divine

Truly Spoken

Man burden with lost
Not afraid to bear his soul and share his pain
More power in his word than an weapon drawn in cowardice

Sorrow, truly spoken

A son find his path
Focused, driven, fighting though damaged
Failure is not an option on the road to destiny

Perseverance,  truly spoken

Eyes of the world draw upon him
Acknowledging to the masses something that was never hidden
Beacon of light to those still in the shadows

Honesty, truly spoken

Fighting every challenge
Forged in fire, heartache, struggle, and doubt
Stronger than Corinthian steel

Faith, truly spoken

Inspired by extraordinary acts of humble people
Prayers to the higher power for grace in the world we live
Opening my heart and committing to who I am
And these are my words truly spoken

Starving for a kiss

I want to kiss someone so their life force can feed me
Draw out that energy that protects me from hurt harm and danger
Feeling the warmth of anothers breath on my cold flesh
Tasting them as though sampling the sweetest fruit in the world
Quench my drying lips as the moisture of theirs presses against mind

I want to kiss someone so their life force can feed me
Because my heart is hungry for love and my soul lies below the poverty line

Keep Your Normalcy

I wonder what it wouls be like to be normal

To have a someone to hold at night after you have spent the whole deceiving and disrespecting them too their face and behind their back

If only I had a job that paid for all my needs, wants, and desires while dreading going there out of boredom,  disdain, or ever absolute hatred of the place, coworkers, and/or boss

How would life be "clean" and disease free with a mind plagued with the concepts of who I am as percieved and dictated by the opinion of others

It must be a great joy to be liked by the masses only to have secret shame for who I truly am, only honoring my truth when under the influence of some liquid, vapor, powder, herb, pill, or substance that "releases" me

Wow! If this is what normalcy grants, I think I will stay a unique individual! At least I can write my own rules with limited interruptions.

The things you see on the train to work.

As I see a homeless man on the train, and I wonder through his hardship where does he find peace?

I watch parents witness their children behave in crude disrespectful manners in public and do nothing. Where do they see their child's life going with no discipline?

My observations of young lady dress in as little as possible and demand respect as though they are on a nun's habit. Were they not taught there is a balance of what you present reflecting how you are percieved?

Across from the young lady, there lies a groups of boys salivating like wolf and using words that should be limited to crude jokes not public speech. I think to myself,  how would the feel if those actions were towards their mother or sister?

I calmly listen to the music on my phone, to be interupted be the rants of a metro-evangelist preach "Jesus loves us" in one breathe and in next saying of we do not do as they do we are damned to hell. If your God is truly about love, why can you not respect the diversity the was placed one the earth and speak of unity and peace rather than divisiveness and hypocrisy?

Once I hear the bell toll and the stop is called, I realize my morning journey is over and my day can now begin.

Nephilim

Flood gates pushed to their edge
Overflowing with pain, desires, thoughts, dreams, and questions
I journey to find reinforcement and fortification
Hold my hand as I work through the pain
Focus my hearts as I control my desires
Still my mind as clear my thoughts
Soothe my fears as I decipher my dreams
Dry my tear when I seek the answers to my questions

I am bound to earth my my mortal vices
All I wish is someone to see the angel in my and grant me a glimpse of heaven

Destiny's flow

As I lie here alone in my bed
Thousands of thoughts running through my head
Feelings repressed and words unsaid

Future uncertain with choices to make
Hesitating and fearful of the consequences of the pathi will take
Not wanting to rock this world and have my foundation break

The support that I haveis in spirit alone
For someone compromising themself for me I will not condone
Such is the price when you goal rest upon a throne

Hard work seems to be bound to my blood
Sometime a burden, like an overpowering flood
I need to get it filtered to remove all the crood

Chained to a fate I accepted years ago
I chose the path I am on this much I know
Eventually,  every stream turns to river, river then to ocean so I must go with Destiny's flow