Keep Your Normalcy

I wonder what it wouls be like to be normal

To have a someone to hold at night after you have spent the whole deceiving and disrespecting them too their face and behind their back

If only I had a job that paid for all my needs, wants, and desires while dreading going there out of boredom,  disdain, or ever absolute hatred of the place, coworkers, and/or boss

How would life be "clean" and disease free with a mind plagued with the concepts of who I am as percieved and dictated by the opinion of others

It must be a great joy to be liked by the masses only to have secret shame for who I truly am, only honoring my truth when under the influence of some liquid, vapor, powder, herb, pill, or substance that "releases" me

Wow! If this is what normalcy grants, I think I will stay a unique individual! At least I can write my own rules with limited interruptions.

The things you see on the train to work.

As I see a homeless man on the train, and I wonder through his hardship where does he find peace?

I watch parents witness their children behave in crude disrespectful manners in public and do nothing. Where do they see their child's life going with no discipline?

My observations of young lady dress in as little as possible and demand respect as though they are on a nun's habit. Were they not taught there is a balance of what you present reflecting how you are percieved?

Across from the young lady, there lies a groups of boys salivating like wolf and using words that should be limited to crude jokes not public speech. I think to myself,  how would the feel if those actions were towards their mother or sister?

I calmly listen to the music on my phone, to be interupted be the rants of a metro-evangelist preach "Jesus loves us" in one breathe and in next saying of we do not do as they do we are damned to hell. If your God is truly about love, why can you not respect the diversity the was placed one the earth and speak of unity and peace rather than divisiveness and hypocrisy?

Once I hear the bell toll and the stop is called, I realize my morning journey is over and my day can now begin.

Nephilim

Flood gates pushed to their edge
Overflowing with pain, desires, thoughts, dreams, and questions
I journey to find reinforcement and fortification
Hold my hand as I work through the pain
Focus my hearts as I control my desires
Still my mind as clear my thoughts
Soothe my fears as I decipher my dreams
Dry my tear when I seek the answers to my questions

I am bound to earth my my mortal vices
All I wish is someone to see the angel in my and grant me a glimpse of heaven

Destiny's flow

As I lie here alone in my bed
Thousands of thoughts running through my head
Feelings repressed and words unsaid

Future uncertain with choices to make
Hesitating and fearful of the consequences of the pathi will take
Not wanting to rock this world and have my foundation break

The support that I haveis in spirit alone
For someone compromising themself for me I will not condone
Such is the price when you goal rest upon a throne

Hard work seems to be bound to my blood
Sometime a burden, like an overpowering flood
I need to get it filtered to remove all the crood

Chained to a fate I accepted years ago
I chose the path I am on this much I know
Eventually,  every stream turns to river, river then to ocean so I must go with Destiny's flow

Repentance to Fate

I know it sounds 1 sided when I ask, why gender matter?
Because the answer I want oeanw in my favor
Love is love is my wholehearted belief
But I love male and wants a man's love in return
A woman can intrigue me, but she will not sustain me
My first taste of love was from a girl that grew to a beautiful woman
But that is before I learned my truth and accepted my reality

I issue an apology to those I have tried to force into my light
All find themselves in their own time
And we find the one we are meant for at the right time
I may have set back the progression of destiny with my rushed agenda
So desperate to live my story I dishonored those of other

I seek forgiveness for my transgressions
For I am but a a man who has needs and desires
I need a companion who is on equal terms with me
I want a man who can love me openly and honestly
So to achieve this I must learn not to force Destiny's hand

The Trophy I Desire

I want to be "good" by society's "standards"
But it seems doing things the "right" we never pay off
Having "faith" in the "character" of men always back fires
"Trusting" people on their "word" almost never pans out

Is it stupid of me to have expectations based on "honor"
Has the concept of "respect" for the work of other just vanished
I tired of putting in all that I am and have, but getting less than nothing in return
I care not for accolades or the trappings of celebrity
All I ask is let me do my job and my work will be my true and lasting reward