I am Libra

I am Libra

My heart is empty

Yet it overflows with doubt

I have things in abundance

Yet I go without

Many times blessed

Yet I every live cursed

Hope has brought me this far

But I fear for the worse

My wounds heal quickly

Yet a deep pain endure

My body can be mended by healers

Yet the poison in my soul has now cure

Free to come and go as I please

Yet bound by circumstances I cannot appease

I am Libra, born of the stars

Scales of justice and balance

While I try to keep the world in line

Within my self I can't find balance

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The World According To Peachez: I am still here

The World According To Peachez: I am still here

I am still here

I fight to keep you out of my head
but you seem to keep clawling back in
You broke my heart into shards
Yet you believe we can still be friends
honesty is all I asked but you could not provide
the truth is what I saught from you but all you did was hide
now I dwell with sleepless night wondering to myself why
angry at my weakness because you're not worth the tears I cried 
forgiveness is not far from my heart for I still hold you dear
But we will never reach that point until you can move past your fears

Connecting needs and desires

I want to get to a point in life the Ink write with this not made of my tears
I want to see a day with a parchment accounts my life is not staying by the blood leaking from my broken heart
I want the Sun to rise and not be washing away the shadows of another lonely night
I pray to sit by a lake 1 day to see my lover rise from it's depth  to lay beside me in the freshly cut grass
I want to light the pilot on my stove to cook a dinner for 2 enjoy it while watching a movie on the broken couch with the ripped fabric on my 32 inch TV in my 1 bedroom Brooklyn apartment
I Dream of 1 day walking tour Realtors office and it being 2 names on a piece of paper claiming ownership or should I say rentersip of a 2 bedroom Upper West Side apartment it had to be signed by 2 hands with matching rings binding them together forever
all these things are wants and desires because I have everything that I need in my life and all that is left is to fill in the holes that connect everything together

The cries of a child of the night

Vampires don't like to fall in love because they don't want to pass the curse
that's how I feel sometimes
So scared of passing on my burdens forever changing their life
this consideration was not taken by those before me
so now I'm just an addition to those who haunts the night
  my still broken heart holding me back even more
because rejection is hard enough without feeling as though you are tainted
This vampire does not want to fall in love because it no longer seems worth fight
shattered hearts line the streets because people can be honest with what they want and desire and when they are , they are shunned and treated abnormal
Those find love are cursed to struggle based on circumstances as though hardship is the price for happiness
people take for granted the simple things the others are not able to attain or even allowed
why would I walk into the sun to see its beauty only to know I will see it long enough to burn

Sending Off a Sister I Never Met..... Be at peace Sahara Davenport

Be a peace fallen sister
Bound to many seen and unseen
Both known and unknown to you
Unity in this art and beauty that is drag

Let this family of illusionist celebrate
The life you live and the work you have done longer than the mourn the lost
And continue on as you would

Let us come together
Beyond drama and shade
Connection in spirit and community
That shall strengthen us in this time of sadness

As you join the choir of our angels in heaven
Willie, Octavia, Lorena, Venus, Paris, And all shall welcome you with open arms at the pearly gates
While you help them prepare a place for us all reach a place of peace and GO OFF until time ends.

Working towards the final piece.

I write about heartache and lost love
Not because I am jaded
But because it gets the negativity out of me to make room for when I find the one destined for me.

My life is 75% under my control: work, health, and finance
Now I need to work on my last piece to the puzzle

All of my past missteps in love
Have been lesson preparing me
Trained and forge by in fire fueled by the shards of a broken heart

When he comes I will be ready willing and waiting
To start over for what may not be the last time
Nothing worth having is obtain without risk
And even if he is another teacher in my education, any attempt is a step in the right direction.

Shatter the box

A lonely breath
Filled with solemn fear
The box is empty
But to its edge hope endears

Bound by chains no one can see
Obviously there set on place by culture and society

With progress in tow
Medicine and technology
So bound are advances our humanity
Limiting what we can become by submitting to conformity

Worse way out

I speak often of a broken heart
But I orchestrate my own failures

I seek love from those out of my reach prayer they will see beyond what is obvious and evident a take in what lies within

I am sought out by those who dwell in the shadows for they fear the truth that exist in the light, and some inside is weaken by the allure of saving a soul that often leave me hurt in the end

I am a balance of who I am and what I am, but I can never convey the whole picture beyond thumbnail on a screen.

I say all this hoping it falls upon fates ear and it is seen fit to correct this wrinkle in her tapestry, because they worse way to die is not drowning, being murdered, or diseased it is actually leaving this world alone not having ever know love in this life

Faithful clarity

There was a point when I gave up on religion, not god because he has brought me a long way

I saw church and other places of worship as stone, wood, and steal constructs the housed shame, lies, hypocrisy, abuse, and if you baptist fish dinners

Felt the people "worshiped" because that is what the were programmed to do: Put on something nice, sing and shout around people (the majority of whom you don't know or for that matter like), pray prayers void of conviction because instead or surrendering to your believes you honor them at your on convenience, paying a tithe that you don't understand the concept of, listening to scripture that you don't even apply to your life, then saying a hallow amen and leaving, going back to your everyday life having got your "fix".

In my separation from religion I was able to find FAITH! Being able to go to God as you are: flawed, broken, lost, and in need, and finding that there is a way. Faith let's you be honest unbound by "proper church etiquette" and you find real answers and peace through it without the bias thought and opinions of a religious leader who may be swayed to thing a certain way because of their own personal views, issue, or struggle.

Faith allowed a young, gay, black man to find the strength to live his life for him and not the will or vision of others
Faith allows you to believe that love exist after heartache, broken trust, and abuse
Faith motivates you to follow your heart when other doubt you destination
Faith will give you the courage to fight any disease, conflict, circumstance,, or obstacle that bars your path to you destiny
Faith will draw people to you that are there for the real you with out judgement, secret motivations, or envy of who you are, what you do, what you have, or where you are going in life.

So to sum this up......
There was a point when I gave up on religion, not god because he has brought me a long way. When I finally gave up on the illusion of religion, I found FAITH and my vision got much much clearer

Love beyond fear

Ámame por que yo no soy lo que soy. Puede que sea un hombre, pero yo soy amable y cariñoso. Puedo estar infectada, pero yo soy más fuerte que mis circunstancias. Puedo ser joven, pero mi alma es muy antigua. Puede que no sea el más masculino, pero soy honesto y justo adelante con mi verdad. Puedo ser fuerte, pero voy a estar en silencio en el presente de amor verdadero. No tengas miedo de cómo el mundo va a ver a mi lado, para que la única opinión que importa es la reflejada en el espejo y no debes temer que tampoco.

Translation

Love me for who I am not what I am. I may be a man, but I am kind and loving. I may be infected, but I am stronger that my circumstances. I may be young, but my soul is ancient. I may not be the most masculine, but I am honest and forth right with my truth. I may be loud but I will be silent in the present of true love. Do not fear how the world will view you next to me, for the only opinion that matters is the one reflected in the mirror and you should not fear that one either.

Lesson learned of love

I see you everywhere I go
Like a speck in my eye that I can't get out
Your presents lingers in my every though
I remain in a constant haze wondering what if

That relationship made me question the reality of love Why try if it will only lead to hurtnand paid? Now looking back, I see it was to teach how powerful love truly is A ravaging force of nature that will break you down contour base elements I have renewed my belief in true love, because in this case my love was true Though you hidden by fear and shame I compromised, sacrificed, gave of my own possessions, and was willing to give more For that I am thankful I learned I a capable of such fates for another man End the end the best lessons are those that leave you scared within For then, hopefully, you won't make the same choice again and end upnwith the same results

Evolution of an Angel

I was the lonely child reading in corner creating his own reality, for the worldwide lives in cannot accept him as he is

I grew to the poet who wrote of thing beyond his years because he bore an old soul, with wisdom surpassing his years

I then became a force of nature driven to a goal that I refused give up on, even when faith and hope were impossible concept

I turn into an emissary of vice and decadence, mastering and nourished by greed, lust, wrath and vanity

I fell from my hard earned place in the stars and was humbled, beginning again as though reborn into this world

I endure struggle, rejection, heartache, and failure, my soul being reforged and fortified in flames of life hotter than 7 suns

I rose like a phoenix from the ashes and soared towards the skies, a light radiating hoping to guy other on their journey

Darkness seeped in to my flesh, posing not only my body but my heart and soul

Fate issue me a challenge, I accepted and attacked with Spartan fury and the Muses grace

Now on wings won with determination, I continue to fight. Not only to maintain what I have achieved, but to then surpass this angelic evolution!

Lover yet to be found amongst fools

Write our love across the sky with the paint brush of our hearts
Sing of our passion as the choir of cherub in heaven
Listen to my voice on the wind as I call for you in the dark
Know the depths of my soul before you ever see into my eyes
Offer yourself to fate so you will be placed in my path laid by destiny
Summon my essence to embrace young times of loneliness
Look to the heavens and see my face the stars waiting for you
Taste my lips in every breathe you take in anticipation

Tea leaves will show you the way
Tarot card will tell you my past
Mystic vision will reveal my face
But it will be up to you to find me in this ocean of fools

Striptease

You are a fantasy that most only get to indulge in the dimly lit, strobe and smoke filled spaces
But few see you as the one who will get up the next morning, hair matted from the product left in when you put you head to pillow, washing your work clothes scent with sweat baby oil and dollar bills
Does anyone care about the reality that lies behind the shining muscle, devilish smile, and the ebb and flow your body to the beat
Seeing that you are more than the sum of your perfectly placed part highlighted by red blue and green LEDs shrouded in fog
I would wait to see the after show, where the disillusion of the stage fades patiently wanting to embrace the flaws and imperfections you hide behind a smile and a g-string
Seeing you across table at an early breakfast or a late lunch, gently wiping the syrup from you chin as you eat innocently or cover over on the couch as you tiredly rest you head on my lap exhaust from sculpting you body, your weapon, your tool, you investment and I caress you hair and make a silly joke about a cartoon.
The last thing on my mine is taking you to bed because the end resulting that I can achieve on my own.
I want to really know YOU, beyond the facade, beyond the hypnotic movements, into who dwells beneath the abs and biceps beyond

All this came up from seeing you in one night..... WOW You are amazing at your job.

Mob Mentality

This is not a poem but a statement!
I just saw Step Up Revolution, and it spoke volumes to me.
The story, the dancing, and just the visuals created on screen inspired my spirit.
When you have a dream chase it
When you have a message deliver it
When you are passionate about something fight for it
There will be obstacle and set backs
You may have to start over on a new path to the same destination,
But the journey will make it that much more rewarding
Some of you may think this is a bit much to take forma "dance movie"
But my friends who dance, my friends who know the joy of doing what you love,
And my friendlier striving towards a dream chase
Be encouraged and always push beyond the box!

BE YOUR OWN MOB!

Misrepresentations of faith

Is it not ironic that you say you speak for a man who live and died for peace love and acceptance
Yet you preach condemnation with shame filled, hateful words

Are you garments so clean that you can act as the herald of a man spread his on message
And did so without malice resentment

I am no better because my word have there own air about them
For my only thought is who gave you the right to disrupt my train ride preaching

For all i know you are the man who so many call on in times of need and turn their back on in times of success
Manifest on earth testing the value of those who came after you, seeing if they are worth the the life you sacrificed

If so fail me now, for i like many others do not respond to brow beating finger waving dogmatic speeches
Maybe the vessels who someone your behalf should return to the old way of touching people's hearts and comforting their souls instead of punishing them for simple being made in your image

Solace within the elements

<p>As sat in natures concrete temple encased in steel and glass<br>
I prepare an invocation to channel the powers that have existed before me will persist when i am gone<br>
I call to the west, keeper of the storms and sea<br>
Washclean the mistake that have brought me shame, pain, and confuse while you nourish all that is good and pure with in me<br>
I seek you in the east, warden of the four winds, releaser of the breath of life<br>
Carry my injured soul to the farthest reaches of the heavens so i may see what was, what is, and what has yet to come<br>
I reach up towards the north, nurturing mother, grounding force of earth<br>
Still my nerves in times of adversity, shield me from the torrent of doubt<br>
I look to the south, beacon of hope, fire of destiny
Burn through all obstacles and light the path meant for me

Let them prayer be charged with dreams, aspiration, and all that is waiting in the future for me so that i don't miss out on my blessing

The Angels Curse

As I watch those graced under the light of my halo
My heart still lies broken by my own tragedies.

My wing hold up the the weigh of other whom I find in need
Yet they falter beneath the burden of my circumstances

My touch can heal the wounds of people's souls & open their minds to their own truths
Sadly, when my true nature is revealed I find my self lying alone with no one to tend to my injuries.

Suffering from Lost

My desire is unattainable
My fantasy out of reach
My vision clouded
My dream nearly impossible

I see you from across the room
So strong so proud so confident
Your essence is intoxicating
Then I see you grab her hand and caress the child waiting inside her and I know in that moment you are lost to me

You speak and my soul shutters
Your touch breaks down my vicious facade bearing my soul before you
In your presence I feel weak and invincible all at once
When I said I love you I was met with silence
Why I asked why it was as though I had been speaking to stones and in that moment I knew you were lost to me

You drowned me in compliments and adulation
Propping me up upon a pedestal to admire me
You song my praises to the heavens and the starts
I reveal to you my truth and you flinch
You softly reject me out of fear and in that instance I knew you were lost to me

Judge me not for my desire to be loved for it is the kink in the armor that I have forged.
Hopefully one day the lost will end and the one will find me
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Open heart walled in

They say you are not ready for love until you love yourself above all else
But once that happens why does love seem to take its time finding?
You've work to get to a point of oneness with your mind, body, and soul it sets you back when you open up and share yourself, bearing your truth to someone who has not accepted theirs.
It sours you to being that raw ever again because you don't want the hard work you put in to be wasted on the unworthy.
The walls end up back up at full strength until one of two things happen: someone break down those walls or brings you to such a point of where they deserve to be let in and you allow them entry because the earned it.

Seven Sins of My Heart

Lust - your body intoxicated me at first sight

Greed - I want everything that was yours (good & bad)

Envy - I coveted the life of someone beneath me because the had a hold on you that I could not break

Sloth - I was lazy in my action and let this go on longer than it was meant

Gluttony - I gorged on your every word as though it was a sainted feast

Wrath - I got angry at myself because I thought all that was wrong was my fault in some way

Vanity - I was to proud to accept reality

This is my confession and I prayer there is redemption for a sinners heart

Waking moment

my heart is broken
left in pieces for my last love
my soul has been poisoned
and I know that not when it will recover
waking at night with the hope that this is a dream and that he is still here
but my hand remain empty and cold

Translation

mi corazón está roto
izquierda en piezas para mi último amor
mi alma ha sido envenenado
y sé que no cuando se recuperará
despertarse por la noche con la esperanza de que esto es un sueño y que él está aún aquí
pero mi mano permanecen vacías y frías

On deaf ears

As I lay in the darkness of the night my mind wonders what if?
A question I asked before during and after us
The answer was never found because of your ignorance fear indifference confusion or some combination of them all
You were given the reigns to a force few are offer and even fewer can tame yet you dismissed it without even explaining why
An apology is a cowards reasoning for running away from the truth that may be hard or painfully
When offered what you said you wanted you shuttered when you saw the concept come to fruition and realize real life requires work
As hard as I try to forgive and forget I can't because out of all the tragedies let in the space of my heart you shatter more than the metaphor but also the spirit that it held
I truly said I love you and meant it from a place I had never felt before beyond the body that I desired the eyes that melted the frozen armor that I wear the touch that still my even motion and the voice that soothed my fear
I spoke words to you the came from depth deep the the most ancient seas it is truly a pity though that they fell on deaf ears

Ensnared

I am still chained and shackled to the being of a love the was meant to be, never realize, and now lost to the seas of life. I learned patience, humility, honesty, and compassion but were those lessons worth the feelings of lose and being taken advantage of. I spoke those cursed words and meant them as I never have before, and it was an enchantment that cause confusion and pain. When thing got to deep and lost in chaos I cut the loses I had acquired, then wrote them off as a bad investment of my heart. This has left me with a losing battle in my heart and soul is the field of battle. I still have live for him in the depths of my heart that can't let go, but they are weighs that keep me from moving forward towards the person I was meant to be with. I am ensnared in vines that I don't know how to escape.

The Purge

Today I am going to cut out part of my heart
For it is poisoned by a hope unrealized

I am going to void a portion of my soul
For the transaction I invested in was rejected by fate

I am evicting a memory that block my vision
For the obstruction has blinded me long enough

I relinquish the power I gave to the unworthy
For he could not bear the burden of being loved

I forgive his ignorance for he lacks fortitude of the soul
But I will never forget his indifference to the pain he caused me

With these words I purge you from my life
Sweet tainted lord of illusion be free to dwell in your world without me
As you go on I pray you will find the same peace that I seek out by letting you go

Death Wish

As the glare of my tears blurs my vision
I see my love for you as clearly as the day I professed the words before you
But just because it lingers does not mean it was ever mean to be
I gave you access to my world and forgot to protect its greatest treasure which is me

When I see you I feel ill with emotions like pain anger hatred and confusion
It pains me that you can't see the anger in my eyes and the hatred that you wrought leaving me confuse my your illusion

Under garb and guise of man you shelter fear and doubt
And you allow them pull the strings as you dance about

I spoke to life a reality the I held close to my heart hoping to rewrite the heavens beside you
End the end the curtain was drawn, in this revelation I wish my love would have died right along with the trust I had for you
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Mistitled

The jewels have lost there luster
All that glittered has gone dull
As the sun peers through the clouds all it highlights are the flaws and missteps
Because that is all that is left when I fall in love

I feel like a trickster
I coax feelings out of people that they can not bear to acknowledge
And when me hex wears off I am the one left heart broken because I felt the same for real!

I have mastered bending the fates and will of other through my wisdom and counsel
So with all that I know, will this profound incite why do I always miss the market

Is this the cost my soul has to pay for the sins of my past life
Am I to find and preserve love for the world and never to have it for myself

Often I get called an angel for my grace before many things
But the title is one I am not worthy of
For I am not nearly selfless enough to live my love alone without having someone to wake next to and let the first words I say to them be "I LOVE YOU"
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Cursed Flame Still Burns

Love still has a vice grab on my heart
Issue unresolved, questions unanswered, feelings unexplored
Your silence is like a storm trapping me on a curse island
Please just speak the words so I may pass
Say you love me, be with me, share your heart with me
We shall set the world before us by our design and desire
Say you hate me, curse my name, tell me it was all false
We will both be able to move on and heal in our own time
I hide it well but your silence has tainted my heart and I am tired
I resolve is strained in your present so much so that it hearts to breath
If silence is your answer, my love can never rest
Fill until you tell me the truth, this flame I cannot extinguish
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I was willing

I granted you a glimpse into my reality, I let you peer beyond the vale that hides the softer parts that dwell inside me
I exposed my positivity to you, I offered to bear your burdens along with mine as a good friend would and a lover should....

IN RETURN:

You shielded me from your depth in the hope to spare me be overwhelmed with your baggage as well as mine. Though the sentiment was valiant, it has left me with hurt feelings and unanswered questions.
You ushered yourself to a place of silence, numb to even my platonic affections let alone my attempts to make you more comfortable with the idea of exploring romance.

IN THE END:

I still love you and that may never change, but I love myself more so I can't sit around waiting for someone who can't or is not willing to try.

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Return to Heartbreak

You told me I would never see this place again
This city of darkness where my sorrow blocks the moonlight

I told you my history and was assured it would be rewritten
Yet as I turn the pages, the next chapter is the same story with a different leading man

I bore my soul to you and that was show to me was your back and all that was heard was chilling silence

I bear many burdens just as you but I would never allow my pain to knowingly hurt another
You cannot claim not to know because you were told my feeling which were/are as transparent as glass

I spoke the words I LOVE YOU aloud from my own mouth unprovoked whole hearted and honestly
I am hurt that you did not respect me enough to just say NO instead of letting my fall on my face

You told me I would never see this place again
Yet you have booked me a one way ticket back to HEARTBREAK!
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