I apologize for my love!

I need to apologize!
I am putting a weigh on you that you do not need to bear
Your life is complex enough without the pressure of my happily ever after, independent gay film fantasies
I want to be love by another man as much as I love myself
But I can not force your hand or rush you to be ready before your time
I was a video that melted my heart because I wanted it to be me and you someday
But that is not our reality, we are not actors playing a perfectly scripted planned story.
If you do read this I hope it does not scare you away, because I am scared of being alone and you have shown me glimpses off what tomorrow may bring if tomorrow ever come because I truly do love you.
I did not write a poem because I wanted to be clear as day and truly say I'm sorry.
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Selfish Desire

I wish he could hold me because now I have fear in my heart
He can not take it away, but his voice would numb the feeling
I am crying on the inside and he can reach my soul to try the tear
I want to be selfish and take him away so be alone so I can just feel him close to me
He is a man of responsibility and integrity and can not neglect him duties
I respect him for it and pray that one day I become one of the charges in his care
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Closer to you

I just want to be close to you:

Closer to your mind so I can put your worries to rest

Closer to you soul so I can know its depths

Closer to your heart so you can feel my love

Closer to you fear so I can help you cast them aside

Closer to you pain so I can sooth it away

Closer to your body so our heartbeat can sound as one

And hopefully the closer I get to you the more of the worlds wrongs will come undone
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The Pain of Patience

I have learn patience
I realize it takes time to get the answers to the questions I seek

I will wait as long as you tell me to
All I ask is that you tell me what is am truly holding on for

Either give me true hope or kill my pipe dream fairy tale fantasy
Love can only restrain me for so long before I break

I am guarding much of what I want to offer you
Because the line between us is too thick for me to cross as of yet

I know I seem like a pain watching the clock for the right time
But the watching and waiting is doing more harm that rejection ever would
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My Fractured Fairytale

I want him near me
But he appears to be bound by forces seen and unseen

The story it like the movies, almost to perfect
Is this an intricate act meant to trap me in a game that I was not aware I was playing

Or shall this be my happily ever after
With my prince, soon to be king
Trumpets play and as we walk down the isle birds sing

The magic mirror is grey and clouded with questions and issue
Secrets unspoken could be the poison apple to my happy ending
And they are held respectively on both side

I am ready to climb the bean stalk and face giants, demon, witches, and all for the one I love
Hopefully he will read my bed time story and feel something and be willing to do the same
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Coded message

I can't yet have silk
So for now I have the comfort of satin
A lost boy looking to be exorcised of the demon call loneliness

Cryptic verses speak what can be said aloud
For the word hold the power to strengthen or destroy what is already present

Read this and know what is on my heart and what I feel
See through the poetic shroud and peer into my soul

The secrets I hold are yours to know
So long as what you hold dear you are willing to share in return
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