Reflections

When you look in the mirror do you see the person that you are
Or do you see your soul the force fueled by god that gives that person life
When i look i he a person before me but i also see a shattered soul
Doin it's best to hold that person up and give them the will to fight on

People see my person and see my strength my power my inteligence
But the weakness and struggles in my soul outline all of that making it tainted and ugly
My word convey such poise and conviction when i speak
And my eyes burn with pain and anger

As much as people come to me to seek my "wise counsel"
I have yet to find the same outlet to vent
For all words seem hollow for word can not solve what my issues
For my problems dwell in the world of man which i have not mastered navigating

I am not confused about what i want in life i figured that out eons ago
I know who i am, I come to terms with that as early as i could
I have a goal and i'm trying to do what i have to do to meet it
But i have the hinderence to end all hinderence..........

What makes the world go round????
I say this because i am ashamed to say the word for it makes me feel weak
Weak because it makes me feel human because it is my weakness
It is the key to survival in the time which we live

All the skill and talent will give you a life of wonder and success
But you have to live, not in the physical sense but more in the soul survival
That you have to endure so much in you mind and soul for it to be use to it's full extent
And that aspect of survival is a struggle we all have

So many unforseen things happen sickness, lost of job, rent increase, and the cost of living in general
We try to either work til we get a break or take the easy way out over and over again
But it all seems temparary and futile for there is always hurdle after hurdle adn the rewards are few and far between
I gues this is to make us value what we have naturally and cherish all that we earn

The only question is: Do we need a constant reminder to be greatful?
Are we not mature enough to learn our lesson the first, if not hte second time?
Or are we doomed to keep repeating the cylces of personal hardship and a world where people die everyday trying to survive or make the world better
So many people see the mistake they have made and don't look back and learn enough and complain because we are repeating the same patterns

This started off being about me but then i became possessed with this message
This message that my life has shown me in the form of what i am going through
That we all as individuals, as a species, as a world need to find a way to survive
Because for most of use for what we are meant to do here on the planet and at this time just getting by is not enough!

We need to work we need to strive to be ourselve at our full potential and be comfortable but at the same time learn our limits
I think that is what is happening to me now i am learing that i am not as i see myself being
I am learning that some times you need help becauseall you problems can not be solved alone
I see that i am not as alone as i thought myself to be in this world

Some people pray to hear the words of God, Buddha, Allah, Krishna, or whom ever they worship
Other go to a temple, church, synagogue, or another house of worship to have a religious leader minister to them
Me i write for when i write i channel his words to me to see what i need to see and hear
The challenge to all of us is to listen

Suicidal

Suicide to me is not the taking of your Physical life
It is the point when you give up on your destiny and purpose
And use death as your exit strategy.

I feel suicidal but i don't wish to die
I just feel like i have run out of options to achieve the goal i want at this point
And death will never be an option.

My destiny has been blurred as of lately
And I don't know how to clear my vision
The path before me is a mystery that i can not solve.

No knives to my wrist
No pills down my throat
No rope on my neck
I will not stand on a ledge
But i have commited suicide and need to be brought back to life.

Wanting Calling Reaching Seeing

I need you but you are not here me
I call to you but i hear no answer
I reach for you but there is nothing before me
I see you from a distance but i am blind to your heart

I want you to need me as you did once before
When I call to you please come as the answer
When I reach out meet me half way with you hand
When I see you i want you eyes to catch mine

I need you to share your secrets as I have shared mine
Only calling when I yearn for peace
I want you to reach for the stars with me in the moonlight
Seeing my future with you now hence forth and forever more

I need to be comfortable alone so i can cherish the time that i have with you
I call to good in a prayer every night for tranquility and harmony so i can accept your love
Wanting to be well adjusted adult male who is with another well adjusted adult male
Seeing when i look in the mirror that i have alot of work left before i can achieve my goal

Sleepless

I cry with out tears as i attempt to sleep
But the chance passes me by because i can't stop thinking
All the shoulda coulda wouldas that drive us in our waking hour keep me from finding rest at night
The moon rises and falls the stars have shine and are noe once more dimmed by the city lights
Yet i lie awake having dosed off for a moment that felt like an eternity
Opening my eyes to the same world that i left only hoping that it was new and all that pain and struggle i remember was just a twisted fantasy
To sleep per change to dream
I dream enough but i never get to sleep

Grown Up

Grant me my wish for healing
For this i have prayed but now i mean it
Give me the peace that i cry for at night
The power to rest my head on a pillow and not dream that the nightmare i live is gone
Fill me up with the love for myself that i wear on my sleeve that i can not seem to hold in my heart
But leave a space for the one that will give me part of their as i give them part of mine
Bless me with patience to wait til my time comes so that i will cherish it more that i have anything in my life
For i know once i have done all these thing i will have truly grown up

Progress

I feel sick
Sick of life and all things that are part of it
I am hurt
Hurt by people that shouldn't be able to hurt me but what can i say they are people just like me
I am empty
Empty like a urn with nothing and no one to fill it
I have gone numb
So numb because it is to hard to feel anything
I got lost
Lost in the world because my map did not have enough paths for me to take
I am blind
Blinded my my pride, ambition, principles,virtues, and ideas of how the world should be
I had hope
Hope that i had found my way but there is a bridge before that i do not have the tools at present to cross
I want love
Not love to complete me but a love that will compliment and balance my unbalanced nature
I have dreams
The dream are now blurry and distorted by all the chaos and struggle that surrounds me
I have power
Power that has becaome more of a curse than a blessing that i can not control

I have looked into to myself to see all these thing and i feel like i am evolving as a person but if evolution is a sign of progress, why do i feel like i am two steps behind?