Delusional Anticipation

In some perfect world
Far off in an alternate reality
We would be married
Kings of our domain

Your smile would me the sun that start my day
While my voice calls you from childlike dreams

All that we are comforts the other and makes them feel secure in the life we created together
All at the same time, we change each other to be the best in all things we do

Beyond the physical, passionate attraction between our bodies.... We are able to seduced and penetrate each other's mind to the point of mental and spiritual climax

But all this dwell in the ressesses of my mind for I fear rejection or worse yet acceptance and the anticipation of what happens next

Channeling

Under the light of these stars
I will hold a séance
I call now the ancients, the ancestors, the fallen, and the lost
Pierce the veil between this world and the one before and the one beyond
Grant me knowledge
So I may see the path to my destiny
Fortify my soul
So I may endure the journey
Bless my heart
For when love comes I want to be open to it

Confession of something unrequited

When you speak I hear my own thoughts
When we touch I feel a completeness
When your scent reaches me it soothes me
When your eyes meet mind I see all tge stars in galaxy at once
When laugh it sound as though angels are playing

I long to have the courage to say what I am starting to feel from you
Sadly, foresight breeds apprehension in me
I fear my fragile crystal of a heart with be shatter by rejection, infidelity, miscommunication, or even fear
I worry because we all have our skeletons in our closets and demons to face
But the one I have can be passed and lasts a lifetime and I wish to pass that fate to no one
I will not say those cursed word because I learned my lesson about giving that to freely
So with that being said I will bide my time quietly

Evolutionary Thoughts

I dream of you kissing me
But you will not because of what I am
The complications of falling in love and growing feelings
Further compounded by societies boundaries and restrictions

Love is love
But in this world
To be accepted it must fit nicely in a box
Anything out of that is not real... to the masses

Interest is hidden behind drunken night so they don't count
Attraction marred by discretion because it is no one else business
Being who you are inside is taboo and makes you a target for hate
Expections of family and peers keep us from true freedom

At some point the chain must be undone
Abolish the title and labels and just let people be
I will be great to have one less -phobia or -ism for hate mongers to subscribe to
It may clear a path to peace in this world

Love is love
But in this world
For this to change we must change
Time passes we must evolve and progress

Be careful what you wish for

Why search for a cobra, if you are offended by its fang
Why climb the bell tower, if you will curse the bells toll
Why stoke flames, if you can't take the heat
Why hide in shadows, if light is what you seek

Don't not step in the ring, if you are unwilling to fight
Don't draw another's blood, if you can't handle the sight
Don't summon a fury, if you wish a person to live
Don't offer the world, when it is not yours to give

I say these words as a warning
Which is often forgotten in time
Never desire the the mundane and try to force it out of the divine

Truly Spoken

Man burden with lost
Not afraid to bear his soul and share his pain
More power in his word than an weapon drawn in cowardice

Sorrow, truly spoken

A son find his path
Focused, driven, fighting though damaged
Failure is not an option on the road to destiny

Perseverance,  truly spoken

Eyes of the world draw upon him
Acknowledging to the masses something that was never hidden
Beacon of light to those still in the shadows

Honesty, truly spoken

Fighting every challenge
Forged in fire, heartache, struggle, and doubt
Stronger than Corinthian steel

Faith, truly spoken

Inspired by extraordinary acts of humble people
Prayers to the higher power for grace in the world we live
Opening my heart and committing to who I am
And these are my words truly spoken

Starving for a kiss

I want to kiss someone so their life force can feed me
Draw out that energy that protects me from hurt harm and danger
Feeling the warmth of anothers breath on my cold flesh
Tasting them as though sampling the sweetest fruit in the world
Quench my drying lips as the moisture of theirs presses against mind

I want to kiss someone so their life force can feed me
Because my heart is hungry for love and my soul lies below the poverty line

Keep Your Normalcy

I wonder what it wouls be like to be normal

To have a someone to hold at night after you have spent the whole deceiving and disrespecting them too their face and behind their back

If only I had a job that paid for all my needs, wants, and desires while dreading going there out of boredom,  disdain, or ever absolute hatred of the place, coworkers, and/or boss

How would life be "clean" and disease free with a mind plagued with the concepts of who I am as percieved and dictated by the opinion of others

It must be a great joy to be liked by the masses only to have secret shame for who I truly am, only honoring my truth when under the influence of some liquid, vapor, powder, herb, pill, or substance that "releases" me

Wow! If this is what normalcy grants, I think I will stay a unique individual! At least I can write my own rules with limited interruptions.

The things you see on the train to work.

As I see a homeless man on the train, and I wonder through his hardship where does he find peace?

I watch parents witness their children behave in crude disrespectful manners in public and do nothing. Where do they see their child's life going with no discipline?

My observations of young lady dress in as little as possible and demand respect as though they are on a nun's habit. Were they not taught there is a balance of what you present reflecting how you are percieved?

Across from the young lady, there lies a groups of boys salivating like wolf and using words that should be limited to crude jokes not public speech. I think to myself,  how would the feel if those actions were towards their mother or sister?

I calmly listen to the music on my phone, to be interupted be the rants of a metro-evangelist preach "Jesus loves us" in one breathe and in next saying of we do not do as they do we are damned to hell. If your God is truly about love, why can you not respect the diversity the was placed one the earth and speak of unity and peace rather than divisiveness and hypocrisy?

Once I hear the bell toll and the stop is called, I realize my morning journey is over and my day can now begin.

Nephilim

Flood gates pushed to their edge
Overflowing with pain, desires, thoughts, dreams, and questions
I journey to find reinforcement and fortification
Hold my hand as I work through the pain
Focus my hearts as I control my desires
Still my mind as clear my thoughts
Soothe my fears as I decipher my dreams
Dry my tear when I seek the answers to my questions

I am bound to earth my my mortal vices
All I wish is someone to see the angel in my and grant me a glimpse of heaven

Destiny's flow

As I lie here alone in my bed
Thousands of thoughts running through my head
Feelings repressed and words unsaid

Future uncertain with choices to make
Hesitating and fearful of the consequences of the pathi will take
Not wanting to rock this world and have my foundation break

The support that I haveis in spirit alone
For someone compromising themself for me I will not condone
Such is the price when you goal rest upon a throne

Hard work seems to be bound to my blood
Sometime a burden, like an overpowering flood
I need to get it filtered to remove all the crood

Chained to a fate I accepted years ago
I chose the path I am on this much I know
Eventually,  every stream turns to river, river then to ocean so I must go with Destiny's flow

Repentance to Fate

I know it sounds 1 sided when I ask, why gender matter?
Because the answer I want oeanw in my favor
Love is love is my wholehearted belief
But I love male and wants a man's love in return
A woman can intrigue me, but she will not sustain me
My first taste of love was from a girl that grew to a beautiful woman
But that is before I learned my truth and accepted my reality

I issue an apology to those I have tried to force into my light
All find themselves in their own time
And we find the one we are meant for at the right time
I may have set back the progression of destiny with my rushed agenda
So desperate to live my story I dishonored those of other

I seek forgiveness for my transgressions
For I am but a a man who has needs and desires
I need a companion who is on equal terms with me
I want a man who can love me openly and honestly
So to achieve this I must learn not to force Destiny's hand

The Trophy I Desire

I want to be "good" by society's "standards"
But it seems doing things the "right" we never pay off
Having "faith" in the "character" of men always back fires
"Trusting" people on their "word" almost never pans out

Is it stupid of me to have expectations based on "honor"
Has the concept of "respect" for the work of other just vanished
I tired of putting in all that I am and have, but getting less than nothing in return
I care not for accolades or the trappings of celebrity
All I ask is let me do my job and my work will be my true and lasting reward

Patience and Time

The rings of Saturn would not be precious enough to place on your finger to express my love for you
There would need to be a paradise greater than heaven for what would be our honeymoon
There need to be a language beyond man's comprehension for the vows I would speak on our wedding day just to convey the depths of my feeling for you

Until they day when my perfect ways to give my self to you before the world
Wed before our family, friends, and forces of nature
I will hold on to hope and have faith in destiny
For I am still waiting to find you

9:45am

Tuesday March 25, 2013
Brooklyn, N.Y.
I waited to see if you got to the train on time today
9:45am every weekday, same spot with a black gym bag, sweats, and cross trainers
I am on my way to work with my leather bag and you on the way to your work out
We never actually speak outside of saying "good morning" or mutual quips of frustration over the late train
But this one day, at 9:45am I see you running for dear life before the train pulls off
I take a stand that day and hold the door for you which I normally don't do
We had previously ever so briefly spoke about hating people that do that
But today something came over me and that was the begin of something on seen in the movies

Sunday June 30, 2013 New York, N.Y.
As I yawn and wipe the crust from my eyesi look at the clock
9:45am
Today is Gay Pride and having decided to avoid the brunch chaos inherent to the day we decide to stay in until noon
The day before you were at the gym without me which was odd since you talked me into getting a membership and Saturday was the only day we went together because it was my only day off
I went to the market and got bacon (for me), eggs, cheese, turkey sausage (for you), croissants, orange juicen and cheap champagne (sorry) and decide to suprisr you with brunch
Well to my shock, once I get my head in order I realize you are not next to me and my entire apartment smells like burnt flesh
To my horror and amusement, you saw my purchases and decided to make us breakfast....but you don't know how to cook at all!
You got up an hour early, knowing I would be up by 9:45am

Saturday May 31, 2018 Atlanta, GA
The sun beats through the curtains into the suite on the 7th floor of this gorgeous Atlanta hotel
9:45am
I heard the door connecting the to room try to open
The little bar lock stops it
"Babe, open the door" I hear through the opening
"Ummm, No! We are getting married in a few go start getting ready" I replied
Today is the big day, and I want it to be perfect!
It has only been a little over a year and a half and we have had our problems, but we made it!
I am healthy, you are at peace, and we are ready to compete the chain
After 12:30pm today we will be ______-______
You can be on my 401K, I can sign the papers to help you get you paperwork in order for your citizenship
But before than we not to get our butts downstairs before our mother beat us both with in a inches of life

Winter 2075
This room got cold and dark
I see a bright light
I see a figure come towards me
I hear my mom's voice
"Baby, it's time"
Behind her I see my Grandmothers and grandfathers
As I real what has happened I smile because I know you were by my side until the end
You have all that you need because we we plan for the other to be taken care of should something happen
All that was ours is now yours until we meet on the other side
Then it will go towards the beautiful child we raised
Now let me rest and prepare to live into eternity with you.....

This is only one possible outcome that will result from full marriage equality
They wont all me so perfect, but everyone deserves the right to write their own love story whether it ends happily ever after or is an epic tragedy!

Mindful

Rewrite the world and let acceptance be the standard we live by
Let the American Dream be about and actualy dream not a delusion
Find peace in knowing that you have let others live as they are destined
Be joyful in the fact no ones judgement matters save tjose you love

Parents, be kind to your children though they are not as they are in your fairy tale
Children, remember you parent are human and were once children as well
Be not judgemental for actions when you know not the motives
There are reason and methods to the madness you my not understand

Be to your neighbors as you want them to be with you
Know them for who they are not for how they appear
Don't let social constraints blur you vision to what could open doors
Don't fear what lies beyond the threshold for it may be a pleasant surprise

Look not to who someone love or beds with
Just be aware of how they deal with you and focus on that
As long as the path they walk is one of a good heart
Let that walk be as fierce as the fires of Hades

See that young lady for her mind
The shortness of her hem line only exposes the physicality of her beauty
Do not touch what is not offered or given freely
Once the invitation is enacted respect the treasure that is before you

Respect that struggling young man in his endeavors
For you know not the responsibilities that weigh on his shoulders
Regardless of how lowly the job seems
So long as he does no harm to others show him the seem graciousness as you would a king

Do not give in to the temptations of a pack mentality
Think for yourself and try to do so before you speak
Make sure the words that leave your mouth are your words and you can defend them
Never allow you self to say anothers words or regret the transgressions of your own tongue

Repression and Waiting

I wish I could speak my truth to you
For once fear consumes me because I don't think I am worthy of you
You bring a light to the world that is blinding because I gaze upon you raw eyed and exposed
You voice have a power that deafens me for I listen beyond your words and hear your souls
Your scent intoxicates me to the point of a drunken stupor because I refuse to come up for air

I will always stand perched and composed as not to hint to my intentions
I keep a safe distant so that I am not tempted to reach for what is not mine and never let it go
I shall bind my tongue as my words are to purely innocent for this world for I see and ideal manifested physically in you and mankind is not prepared for one to be so open

I dear not use that deadly phrase that shatters walls and sinks ships; Starts wars and ends lives
For say I....... or I am in........ before it is proven to be reality rather than infatuation is giving power and governance to someone who may not want of deserve the reigns to a life not meant for them
In turn I will bide my time and wait for if it is not for you then you will be another piece to the templates design.

Better to wait a lifetime for the right one the waste time and keep trying for the next one I guess

The Weight of Silence

Speak not the truth because it forces you to cut the strings that's suspend the facade you're forced to cast for others
Say not what lies in your depth because people will drown in the reality
Do not confess what dwells in you heart for those feelings will most likely end up homeless
Never share those things that burden your soul because it is not human nature to help others carry there load
Life is almost easier it you remain silent and blend in to the crowd

Undoing the spell

I can't say what I am thinking because I can't tell if it is emotion or illusions
Rhythm driven your movements like the sea
Casting a spell with every movement on everyone including me
I try to keep my distant so no one can see
Because of my past my words can go free
Scarred by circumstances I doubt I could be

I coldly stand watching fear binds my thoughts
But already in your gravitational pull I habe already been caught
Release from the thrall that you did not know I what I ask
Just break my heart so I can hurt and heal
Another chance to remember what it means to feel

New Year's Statement

I will not partake the tradition of New Year's resolutions because I resolve to do nothing but love and be who I am
what I will do is make a statement for the new year
I will not give out my heart to those ones are either in friendship or love
I will keep those who care about me closer regardless of distance or time
I will actively seek companionship but allow fate to run its course
I will temper my judgements with both instinct and reason
I will finish on the path I have started because I have worked very hard to get here
I shall conquer my fears of this disease so does not control my life
I will start to honor myself as much if not more that honor others
I will demand respect equal to the amount that I naturally command
I will try to expand my social circle because that is where you have true life lessons through learning of the experiences of others
I will continue to defy people expectations and shatter your preconceived notions of who and what I am
I will continue to practice refine and exhibit my talents and crafts for the world

2012 was a year of learning  accomplishments heartbreak rediscovery and struggle but it will not be forgotten or taken for granted is another chapter in life this is now written to Destiny's Register and is now closed to begin a new

as for 2013 the gates now open the water should come rushing through and my feet are firmly planted as my heart is secure so all I will say now is bring it on!