Unwritten Lullaby

I want to write my seed a lullaby
By seed I'm in the child I will never bring into this world out of fear for their life will be.
The dread thats the choices me and those before me have made will make their life a dismal post-apocalyptic land of shoddy politics and death. The terror that because of who they are, the color of their skin, the amount of their paychecks, or who they love what to find the value of their life and be a price tag to be plucked off by any man woman or even a child who is having a bad day. I cringe at the thought that because two gangs can't get along, because the officer of the law gets nervous, because my wife is tired of being beat that is possible my progeny may not live to meet their potential. We as a people black white Spanish Asian everything in between are stuck in a slave mentality. We are slaves to the thoughts and traditions of older people who have not evolved a mentality with the changing times. the borders the background countries in ancient times (pre camera phones) no longer exists so why do we treat ourselves like we're such separate entities from one another you find every reason to divide ourselves from the person sitting next to us so much so that many of us feel like we're surrounded by enemies when we are not around "our own kind" and even then there are some of us those groups within the groups they feel alienated by people that are quick to call us brother or sister as long as we don't live in our truth.
To sum it up here's the scenario: a child is taught from a young age that the police, law enforcement, authority, and the "white man" are out to get him because in olden days black men and women couldn't walk the streets freely it was against the law so they were arrested in beating to show them their place. We perpetuate this mentality generation after generation after generation. The police and law enforcement are trained to keep order and peace sometimes by any means necessary and if they feel threatened there to defend themselves. Will you come by those two forms of conditioning there is a miasma of darkness that is created. The police see something going on that they feel shouldn't be they approached a group an attempt to do their job. Because of what has been ingrained in these people they see the approach as disrespectful and insulting. Inquisitions of the law enforcement are met with aggression because the group cannot comprehend the actions being perpetrated upon them. The aggression is then met with aggression from the law enforcements and the situation escalates. From this resulting escalation words are exchanged there may be some sort of physical altercation and at best someone may end up arrested at worst there are riots in the street because a child is dead. I don't take sides I don't defend people who are wrong. I was not there I don't know both sides of what happened especially since one side was taken to the grave. What I do know is it takes two to tango , and some provocation a card whether valid or not. With that being said we need to change our individual mentalities then we need to work on ours collectively both sides are handling this wrong and I will not take the side of a fool.

Thoughts Under Moonlight

When I took this picture,  I was alone on a beach gazing upon to clearest view on the night sky I had seen in all my life. In the moment my mind raced thinking about life. MY LIFE! Where I have come from, what I have yet to do, how my life measures up to what I want it to be, and where I will end out long term. One of the most present thoughts was: I never thought I would see the age of 30. When I was younger, it was because I thought I would kill myself because of what was going on around me. In my teens,  I thought others would do it for me because I decided to live in my truth without apologies. And once that past and I moved into adulthood, I thought this disease would overpower me. Now almost a month has passed since I hit 3 decades of life, and I now understand that life is going to be hard, painful, sometimes lonely, and not ever thing will go as planned BUT we are the authors of each chapter of our story and must take control of our journey so when we reach the epilogue it will be a testament to future generations that you make your own way in life with help from others but the end result is up to you and only you

NYC Gay Pride Address 2014

As today is the day before all of the Pride Finale event for NYC, I want to do my pride address early. At work the other day I had to "educate" something on a few things because they made some comments that were not very well thought out.

Before you speak on an events validity to the populace, know its history. Regardless of what you feel like it is now, Pride started as a beacon of hope for those who hid out of fear, shame, and oppression. The parade was (and for the most part still is) an act of solidarity between the entire "rainbow spectrum" that is the LGBTQ Community. The parties STARTED as fundraiser to help provide for our community when no one else would. Before you speak and say "Pride is just an overpriced party for people to have an excuse to run around and drink and hook up", REMEMBER was it not for those befor use having PRIDE, we could all be still hiding in fear shame and oppression because no one was willing to stand up for us.

No this is an issue I don't normally address, but given my profession I must make this clear:
This is dedicated to Louie Garay Roze Black Chris Harris Derrick Briggs and all the other legions of nightlife and event professionals that make all these Pride Events around the world happen.
STOP complaining about paying a cover or how much the cover is for PRIDE! Good entertainment,  decor, auxiliary staff, and security are not cheap. Given that we have come so far many people don't go to PRIDE to be proud, they go for the fun, frolicking, and parties. No judgements, but was it not for these people putting I MONTHS of work, putting out tons of MONEY, you would the the first one complaining that "This event is boring" or "That party was boring". So speaking from the business side of thing......The good fun stuff cost money! So please know this before you try to go out and complain to someone who looks fabulous, has had no sleep for the past week, and is trying to give you a great function, because you could always stay home.

This been my annual PRIDE Address:
Everyone be safe and HAPPY PRIDE NYC

A curse left by a father

Hear me now, I lift the curse placed upon me. Blood of the demon in my flesh. Every time I look upon the mirror I see you. I am not the man you made. Many others have augmented, purified, and transmuted tarnished stone you left. Now made into a beautiful gym for all to see. With these words I banish you! I forsake the memories of drunken nights wondering if there was a safe place to hide from your wrath. I banish the memory's not feeling good enough to meet your approval for now I know it is not required. I forsake all that you put upon me the thoughts and morals of a broken man twisted by his own dark thoughts and feelings. I cast you out as my father just Zeus cast Kronos into Tartarus to be bound forever in a prison for his crimes against his children. You are part of what created me but you do not make me into what I am today. You do not get the glory or bragging right over my success. You do not reap the rewards and benefits of all that I have for that is not yours to take because you did not earn it. Others took up the mantle which you by natural design should have it. For in this moment now I purge myself of the dark feeling I see when I look in the mirror and see semblance of you. I cast out the hatred I feel upon my reflection reminded that you are where I came from. I do not write this out of malice but I write this to purify myself and make room for more positive things to manifest in my life for you are part of my past I can finally close the book on because I see now I am not the result of my fathers actions and the correction of his mistake. I am the manifestation of my mother's love my family's nurturing the support of my friends in the drive of my own internal motivation to be better there. With these words I release you of your responsibility to and I wish you nothing but peace and all of your life and when the moment comes when I'm forced to face the inevitable fact that you have left this earth I will be able to do so with a clean and unburdened heart.

I now rest my head upon my pillow and close my eyes as this these words leave my pen these thought pour from my mouth and these feelings are loosed from my heart I will sleep with the Angels knowing that I've made room for better things in my life by removing dark negativity is dwelt for far too long. I will continue to dye my hair, arch my eyebrows, shaved my face, and wear whatever makes me happy because when I look in the mirror from now on I will see me and only me. The man that I have worked hard to bring to this place who's made his stamp on this earth and will go on with his life unbound by the shadows of his past.

Preparation for you Destiny

So many of us find the one at a moment when we (or they) are not prepared for destiny's plan
Often we make excuse out of fear or doubt and are hindered for taking a leap of faith
We allow life and circumstance to pull us away like a riptide, leaving us damaged and jaded
We end up locking away our hearts, as to not have them broken again
It could have been any number of things: Their family (or yours) meddling in your affairs, not being able to handle a condition or illness the other possesses, getting caught up in what a person looks like more that what is in their heart and spirit,  or the most damaging not being honest about your thoughts and feelings thinking is will spare those of the other.
I will honestly say I'm the victim and perpetrator of most of these things so I speak to you sinner to sinner from a place of wisdom and not one of judgment.
Unfortunately, my circumstances are complicated by something that is slightly out of my control. Most of you who will read this do not have the same time finds so for the sake of your heart and the hearts of others did not allow yourself to be confined by what your past dictated use those instances as lessons to apply to your destined to love

Prophecy in a Dream

A visions of haunt my dream. Cloudy images of things to come wake me from what should be peaceful slumber.
Your essence still bound to my spirit,  lingering in the dark corners of my mind, retaining residence in I portion of my heart I can't seem to mend.
I have reached out to you, too here your voice would either comfort  this shadowy prophecy or exorcize the demon held up in my subconscious.
I feel every time you are tormented,  suffer when you struggle.
The curse of being both empathicly bound and unrequitedly in love with someone.
I wish there was so way to comfort you, sadly distance and circumstance hinders any effort put forth.

Find your motivation

Sometimes inspiration comes in the form of a gentle breeze or the burden of a ton of bricks

That subtle nudge toward the wonderful unknown
Walls closing in on you driving you towards the depths of your being to find true strength

The light of the world is often found to be equally as motivating as the adversities we face

When you are "handed" an opportunity, do not take it for granted just because fate put it before you readily
In those times of greatest stress when you look into yourself, look beyond the darkness and don't dwell in its midst for no power can be found there