Connecting needs and desires

I want to get to a point in life the Ink write with this not made of my tears
I want to see a day with a parchment accounts my life is not staying by the blood leaking from my broken heart
I want the Sun to rise and not be washing away the shadows of another lonely night
I pray to sit by a lake 1 day to see my lover rise from it's depth  to lay beside me in the freshly cut grass
I want to light the pilot on my stove to cook a dinner for 2 enjoy it while watching a movie on the broken couch with the ripped fabric on my 32 inch TV in my 1 bedroom Brooklyn apartment
I Dream of 1 day walking tour Realtors office and it being 2 names on a piece of paper claiming ownership or should I say rentersip of a 2 bedroom Upper West Side apartment it had to be signed by 2 hands with matching rings binding them together forever
all these things are wants and desires because I have everything that I need in my life and all that is left is to fill in the holes that connect everything together

The cries of a child of the night

Vampires don't like to fall in love because they don't want to pass the curse
that's how I feel sometimes
So scared of passing on my burdens forever changing their life
this consideration was not taken by those before me
so now I'm just an addition to those who haunts the night
  my still broken heart holding me back even more
because rejection is hard enough without feeling as though you are tainted
This vampire does not want to fall in love because it no longer seems worth fight
shattered hearts line the streets because people can be honest with what they want and desire and when they are , they are shunned and treated abnormal
Those find love are cursed to struggle based on circumstances as though hardship is the price for happiness
people take for granted the simple things the others are not able to attain or even allowed
why would I walk into the sun to see its beauty only to know I will see it long enough to burn

Sending Off a Sister I Never Met..... Be at peace Sahara Davenport

Be a peace fallen sister
Bound to many seen and unseen
Both known and unknown to you
Unity in this art and beauty that is drag

Let this family of illusionist celebrate
The life you live and the work you have done longer than the mourn the lost
And continue on as you would

Let us come together
Beyond drama and shade
Connection in spirit and community
That shall strengthen us in this time of sadness

As you join the choir of our angels in heaven
Willie, Octavia, Lorena, Venus, Paris, And all shall welcome you with open arms at the pearly gates
While you help them prepare a place for us all reach a place of peace and GO OFF until time ends.

Working towards the final piece.

I write about heartache and lost love
Not because I am jaded
But because it gets the negativity out of me to make room for when I find the one destined for me.

My life is 75% under my control: work, health, and finance
Now I need to work on my last piece to the puzzle

All of my past missteps in love
Have been lesson preparing me
Trained and forge by in fire fueled by the shards of a broken heart

When he comes I will be ready willing and waiting
To start over for what may not be the last time
Nothing worth having is obtain without risk
And even if he is another teacher in my education, any attempt is a step in the right direction.

Shatter the box

A lonely breath
Filled with solemn fear
The box is empty
But to its edge hope endears

Bound by chains no one can see
Obviously there set on place by culture and society

With progress in tow
Medicine and technology
So bound are advances our humanity
Limiting what we can become by submitting to conformity

Worse way out

I speak often of a broken heart
But I orchestrate my own failures

I seek love from those out of my reach prayer they will see beyond what is obvious and evident a take in what lies within

I am sought out by those who dwell in the shadows for they fear the truth that exist in the light, and some inside is weaken by the allure of saving a soul that often leave me hurt in the end

I am a balance of who I am and what I am, but I can never convey the whole picture beyond thumbnail on a screen.

I say all this hoping it falls upon fates ear and it is seen fit to correct this wrinkle in her tapestry, because they worse way to die is not drowning, being murdered, or diseased it is actually leaving this world alone not having ever know love in this life

Faithful clarity

There was a point when I gave up on religion, not god because he has brought me a long way

I saw church and other places of worship as stone, wood, and steal constructs the housed shame, lies, hypocrisy, abuse, and if you baptist fish dinners

Felt the people "worshiped" because that is what the were programmed to do: Put on something nice, sing and shout around people (the majority of whom you don't know or for that matter like), pray prayers void of conviction because instead or surrendering to your believes you honor them at your on convenience, paying a tithe that you don't understand the concept of, listening to scripture that you don't even apply to your life, then saying a hallow amen and leaving, going back to your everyday life having got your "fix".

In my separation from religion I was able to find FAITH! Being able to go to God as you are: flawed, broken, lost, and in need, and finding that there is a way. Faith let's you be honest unbound by "proper church etiquette" and you find real answers and peace through it without the bias thought and opinions of a religious leader who may be swayed to thing a certain way because of their own personal views, issue, or struggle.

Faith allowed a young, gay, black man to find the strength to live his life for him and not the will or vision of others
Faith allows you to believe that love exist after heartache, broken trust, and abuse
Faith motivates you to follow your heart when other doubt you destination
Faith will give you the courage to fight any disease, conflict, circumstance,, or obstacle that bars your path to you destiny
Faith will draw people to you that are there for the real you with out judgement, secret motivations, or envy of who you are, what you do, what you have, or where you are going in life.

So to sum this up......
There was a point when I gave up on religion, not god because he has brought me a long way. When I finally gave up on the illusion of religion, I found FAITH and my vision got much much clearer